A Joyful Army of Six

We are Brian and Cara Bergeron. We currently live, homeschool, work, and play soccer in beautiful Southcentral Oregon. We are children of God, children of two marvelous sets of parents who are still happily married, children of the '80s, children who fell in love when we were but children, children who have inherited four unexpected and undeserved blessings from the Lord--Brandt, Gresham, Seth, and Evangeline. Together we are (as Eva will tell you with a shout) "in the Lord's army. Lethirrrr!"

Monday, October 30, 2006

Buildings

Before I get to the topic, I'm going to include the Bergeron quote of the day...

Seth: "Mom, I'm really tired out tonight."
Mom: "Really, Seth?"
Seth: "Yes. I spent all day with you and that has me REALLY tired out."

The following is a reality list of many sorts. If you ever desire to be your own general contractor, this is the list that will help you--and perhaps scare you a bit. Brian and I invested our "one thousand hours"--the requisite number of hours required to be well-prepared and reality-checked if you desire to GC a house yourself--before we finally hired Travis (our GC). "What a waste," some might say. But we believe in the God of processes--the God of the "long obedience in the same direction" (Eugene Peterson?). More on those processes at the end.

In order to build, we began by searching numerous databases of ready-made house plans. Time amounts expended are approximate and, for us, just as well forgotten.

Searching through house plans--80 hours
Measuring rooms and mocking up potential spaces--5 hours
Measuring our furniture--5 hours
Redesigning potential house plans--20 hours
Talking/e-mailing with our architect--20 hours
Talking to potential general contractors--5 hours
Resketching proposed houseplans to-scale for input to architect--8 hours
Researching building efficiencies, cost savings techniques, energy efficiencies and building materials--40 hours
Phone calls/e-mails to friends who've been through the building process--17 hours
Searching for interior and exterior finishes--150 hours
Driving to and from subcontractors' houses to drop off/pick up plans--40 hours
Talking with subcontractors on the phone and in person--20 hours
Crunching numbers on Excel to make the budget work--80 hours
Talking with lenders--20 hours
Meeting with the Architectural Review Committee--2 hours
Reviewing plans with County--2 hours
Talking with each other about the project--30 hours
Talking to the Engineer/Reengineering the plans--8 hours
Finding and comparing bids from the
Excavator
Plumber
Electrician
Framer
Structural Insulated Panel manufacturer
Insulated Concrete Forms
Engineering staking
Asphalt paving
Concrete foundation and flatwork
In-floor rading heating
HVAC
Roofer
Photovoltaic Panels (didn't do those because of the orientation of our house)
Roof Trusses
Lumber Supplier
Door Manufacturers
Window Manufacturers
Fireplace
Plumbing Fixtures
Painter
Deck Carpenter
Flooring
Appliances
Cabinetry
Countertops
Finish Carpentry
Tile and Tile Labor
Garage Door
THOSE BIDS AND CONVERSATIONS finish off the remaining 480-ish hours!!!

Shocking, huh? Further complicating the process is the fact that every single part of the process hinges on another part. Should we minimize the master bath space and run the risk that we can't find a bathtub narrow enough to fit the space (anyone know where I can find a bathtub 72"x32"?) Should you put a double-hung window with mullions in a spot that needs to be screened since the screen will block the view of the mullions? Do you design the house around a kitchen faucet or the great room ceiling? Do you choose your paint colors first or your countertops? The tradeoffs and interrelationships sometimes make my head ache--and I literally don't care nearly as much as most people I know! The ideal and the real deal will never meet up. Our act of creation will require countless people working countless hours to make a product that will, Lord willing, meet our needs; but it will not be perfect by any stretch of the imagination. If all goes as it ought, it will be a strong building that warms peoples bodies and nurtures their souls when they enter--but there will be divots and dings and gaping seams even before we move in.

Last night, in preparation to show our children the wonder of the Incarnation during the month of December, I happened to be reading through a marvelous book called "From Conception to Birth" by Alexander Tsiaras and Barry Worth (caution: not even for older children without some discretionary supervision). It is a secular pondering and showing, through in utero photography, of the wonder of a human being growing from fertilized egg to full-term baby. Here is Worth's commentary:

"Imagine yourself as the world's tallest skyscraper, built in 9 months and germinating from a single brick. As that "seed" brick divides, it gives rise to every other type of material needed to construct and operate the finished tower--a million tons of steel, concrete, mortar, insulation, tile, wood, granite, solvents, carpet, cable, pipe, and glass as well as all furniture, phone systems, heating and cooling units, plumbing, electrical wiring, artwork, and computer networks, including software. This brick and its daughter bricks also know exactly how much of each to make, where to send them, and when and how to piece it all together. Now imagine further that when the building is done it has the capacity to love, hate, converse, do calculus, compose symphonies, and have rapturous physical relations with other towers, a prime result of which is to create new buildings even more elaborate than itself (p. 5)."

Now imagine that the men who so poetically acknowledge the breathtaking perfection of a creative system unequaled and unreplicated--imagine that these men do not acknowledge the Creator of that creative system. They use plenty of divine language--phrases like "a miracle every day" and "drama" and "a grand plan for human reproduction" and "triumph in shape and structure" and the "whole magnificent design"; but no understanding that if the process were up to us--our trying, our reaching, our EVOLVING, we'd never even make it to the next breath. These men are visually and verbally SMART. But they are also blind. They probably haven't tried to build a house (or a skyscraper) either.

Brian and I have made so many rookie blunders in this house building process-and that with what we believed to be the utmost care and plenty of research! How thankful I am to God that He did the creating of our four children--and that He is not only the author of our "birth by water" but He is also the author of our "birth by the Spirit" (John 3). And God has so graciously designed the processes of physical birth AND growing in His grace so that it is slow enough for the human mind to take in a bit of it here and there. For more on this from a Christian perspective (though not as visually stunning), I highly recommend Dr. David Menton's lecture on DVD "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made," available through Answers in Genesis.

Ephesians 2:19-22
"Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit."

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Losing My Cool

This is a poem that I've loved from the moment I saw it. Thanks again Cathy Thompson for knowing decades ago that I'd need this someday. I thought I'd include it here lest you think, by virtue of my last few blogs, that I'm some sort of spiritual powerhouse. I'm not. When I'm good, I'm very very good. And then it's really not me anyway. It's just the working of the Holy Spirit through me. And when I'm bad, I'm horrid. Or so goes a different poem than the one I'm including below. And oh yeah, that's a picture of Evangeline in March 2006.



Losing My Cool
by Debbie Darling

Lord, I'm so tired of the same confession,
"I lost my cool"--
tired of staring Temper
in its ugly fanged face.
I'm tired of being bossed around
by an irrational two-year-old.
Can't someone ever take my part
and say "I know how you feel?"
All I ever hear is--
"These years go so quickly,"
and I feel guilty for my silent
"Not quickly enough for me!"
The years must graciously
retain only sweet memories
or all grandmothers have amnesia.
If I think clearly
I know this is only
a tiny portion of my life
but my heart cries out to ask...
"Will I ever read a whole book again
and not find scribbles on the crucial page?
Will I ever scrub the kitchen floor
and have it stay clean long
enough for anyone to believe I scrubbed it?
Will I ever do the wash,
hang it out,
fold it up,
iron it,
and put it away
in less than five days?
Will we ever have a conversation at the table
or wake up in our bed alone,
without little obstacles between us?"
I know that we will be alone all too soon--
and hate the quiet
(or so they tell me, although
I can't imagine it.)
But all I can feel is the now.
I know that this is the road
of the crucified Self-- but Lord,
I was hoping to be perfected
by something more dramatic,
not piddled
and spilled
and whined to death.
...
But I will not give up
because I know that you see
into this home
and into my heart
and into the future,
and not a hair is pulled out of my head
without Your notice, Your love,
Your comfort.

Potatoes

Some of you are really not interested in my (meaningful to me) mental meaderings. You just want my recipes for non-allergenic foods. That's okay too. So here is my favorite recipe for potatoes (this month). I will add more as there are so many wonderful ways to enjoy this special root. It's non-allergenic and low in phenylalanine for all of the people I love most. This one's for you Marissa!

Olive Oil Gratin of Potatoes

4 Tablespoons plus 1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
5 lbs. Yukon Gold or large Red potatoes
3 teaspoons dried french thyme
sea salt & freshly ground pepper
1 tsp. Better Than Bouillon, chicken base
1 c. purified water

Preheat oven to 375F with rack positioned in the middle of oven. Clean and skin the potatoes only in the eye areas. On a mandoline (mine is the cheap Pampered Chef version, not the real thing, but it still works for this recipe just fine), slice potatoes to about 1/8 to 1/16 inch thick. Into 2 separate 9x13 baking dishes, pour 2 Tablespoons olive oil and brush to coat the bottoms. Yes, this recipe makes a lot! In a large bowl, combine thyme, potatoes, and salt & pepper. Toss to coat potatoes and then pour potatoes into separate baking dishes, pressing down lightly to make them fit into pan. In a small saucepan, combine chicken base, water, and 1/2 cup olive oil. Bring to a simmer for 1 minute and then pour half over each pan of potatoes. Cover pans with foil and bake in oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil and press down on potatoes lightly with a spatula to flatten them all over. Return to oven for another 20 minutes. Press down on potatoes again and return to oven for a final 20 minute finish. Remove when potatoes are golden brown.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Power


"Without deliberate awareness of the present risenness of Jesus, life is nonsense, all activity useless, all relationships are in vain. Living in the awareness of the risen Jesus is not a trivial pursuit."
- Brennan Manning in "Abba's Child"

The kids and I read through Hebrews a few weeks ago during our morning Bible time. Brandt and Gresham teased me because each day it seemed that I would end our time with "Wow! Some strong words for today, right kids?" But for this mom who is always looking for more power to do more than "just make it" through the day, Hebrews is a part of God's word that I never consider carefully enough. In its message is the power that I crave. I always seem to need an insane amount of forbearance, three extra hands to dry tears and tie shoes, a bigger lap for the little ones, better ears to actually HEAR the drywaller amid the screaming, a bigger heart to understand more, a stronger will, a different mind, an extra 15 minutes... There literally is never enough "Mommy" to go around, it seems, and yet to me it seems that I'm giving all that I can.

When Evangeline was born, Cathy Thompson (Brian's sweet "Sponsor Mom" from the Air Force Academy), sent me a timely card. Two years later, I can still picture the doorway in which I read it, the handwriting that inscribed the message, and the general meaning of the words: "If with three children you ever believed that you could do it all, that you could keep it all together, you will find that with four children this is finally impossible. Now the Lord has you where He wants you. You must begin to live 'in the power of His present risenness.'" From that day forward, that mandate has been my mantra in banal moments and pivotal times. Eva needs a diaper change but Seth needs his nose blown: Live in the power of His present risenness. Brandt needs to talk about some serious problems with a neighborhood friend but Gresham just came screaming into the house with a bleeding head: Live in the power of His present risenness. Eva fell and broke her leg and Brian's gone to Colorado for the weekend: Live in the power of His present risenness. Brandt broke his arm on the day our packers showed up: Live in the power of His present risenness. Our only daughter is hospitalized for the third time this year. Her vital signs are getting weaker: Live in the power of His present risenness.

There is no power in the words themselves; but there is power in the FACT that Jesus is now seated at the right hand of God the Father. In our house we like to ask this question: "Why is Jesus seated instead of standing?" Answer: "Because He has finished the work that the Father gave Him. He has already done all that is necessary to save us and sanctify us." That's what "It is finished" meant when Jesus spoke those words on the cross. I don't have to fear and fuss and fume and rage because I've been spiritually checked out of that rathole of despair that the Bible calls "The World" and checked into the Kingdom of God! Could I find a better position than this if I searched the earth high and low for a lifetime?

Hebrews 2:9
"But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone."
All possible fears are vanquished. Jesus tasted eternal death and physical death for me. What more can my grasping for control add to a done deal?

Hebrews 2:11-13
"For both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one, for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren, saying 'I will declare Your name to My brethren; In the midst of the assembly I will sing praise to You.' And again: 'I will put my trust in Him.' And again: 'Here am I and the children whom God has given Me.'"
I have been given to God the Father through the work of God the Son. I am the child of the Creator of the universe ... a "brethren" of Jesus. If God will not ignore the cries of His Son, He will not ignore the cries of His daughter. These are bold words! His power will flow to me and through me when He wills it to be so. I do not need to sink my fingernails in to what cannot be mine but instead open my hands gratefully to what He is choosing to give me at the moment when I need it most.

Hebrews 2:16
"For indeed He does not give aid to angels, but He does give aid to the seed of Abraham."
What more do I need than His aid?

Hebrews 2:17-18
"Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are being tempted."
Jesus sees me. He sees you. He knows and aids because He WAS. He experienced the exact magnitude and genre--if not the exact predicament-- of the temptation that I face today. To be sure, His work was for the propitiation of the wrath of God against my sin; but it's also for all of these unbearable moments. It's for these moments so that instead of fretting and fighting with my intractable will, my impossible impatience, my "overwhelmedness," I can instead lay down in my Father's arms and simply "do the next thing." (Thank you, Elisabeth Elliot for that piece of advice)

I used to think that Christ's power was for salvation and that the subject ended there. Perhaps I wouldn't have stated it that way; but my actions and secret thoughts betrayed me. Overcoming sin always seemed to be a matter of "trying harder" and "remembering lessons from the past." And so I constantly failed. Because the power was all my own and it was no power at all. But the process of raising children kept my aching heart longing for some better way. How could I look Brandt in the eye and tell him to "try harder" when I knew very well that such advice couldn't hope to conquer the monster that lurked within? I'm not sure how the transformation happened, but I believe it culminated and crystallized in my mind when our congregation in Alaska memorized Hebrews 1:1-3:
"God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds. who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on High."
I'm not sure I can think of a better reason to continue living and fighting joyfully!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Faith


I guess my toenails are going to have to wait one more night for new polish because I've worked this blog over in my head long enough. And who am I kidding? I could probably wait until next SUMMER to remove my chipped polish and nobody but Brian would notice... Him and my girlfriends from Texas (you know who you are)...

Beginning of Blog - Stardate 10-4-06:

Hebrews 11:1-2
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony."

For the past two years, we've been engaged in that walk of faith called Building a House. Here's how it started and how it has progressed, with some copious commentary (feel free to skim) about the substance that we've hoped for and the evidence of God's faithful hands at work, usually unseen but sometimes eerily right in front of our dim eyes.

November 2004:
In a burst of faith or foolishness depending on how you slice it, Brian and I made a somewhat romantic decision (for us, at least) to leave our very young children with our parents in California and fly up to Klamath Falls, Oregon to look at property. What's in Klamath Falls, Oregon, you ask? Not much save 40,000 folks, a new Wal-Mart and a Fred Meyer. Okay, so there is also a little Air National Guard fighter pilot training base called Kingsley Field. And Brian happens to be a fighter pilot. And there is world-class fishing. And a million dollar soccer complex for kids. Still not sure what was going through our minds at the time, but the mountain air must have really gone to our heads, because by the time we left K Falls, we were the proud owners of a half-acre parcel of land. Brian's longing to get the coveted instructor pilot job at Kingsley was still a far-off hope and we were living in FLORIDA at the time. Don't worry. The story gets even weirder.

One year and several trips to Kingsley later, we received the happy news that all of my mother's praying to get her grandchildren back to the West Coast had been answered affirmatively. Brian was hired at Kingsley for the following year. We'd be moving in September of 2006. Yippeee!!! I began putting in the requisite THOUSAND HOURS that a person must in order to be their own general contractor. I read many books, pored over house plans, sketched and measured. Not that I expected to honcho that job alone but Brian was busy with work and I figured I could fill him in on the details later. We were, Lord willing, going to build a house on that half acre at the Running Y. There was just this little problem of how we could come up with the money in a market dominated by California refugees. Oops! I meant "retirees."

Two months later and two days before Christmas, we received a call from Brian's future squadron commander: "Could we come to Kingsley in early spring instead of fall?" Two weeks later, our house in Florida was on the market. And then we waited. And prayed. And waited. And prayed. We could see the housing market in Panama City getting soft and softer. But then, by coincidences too strange to actually be coincidences, we found the IDEAL buyer for our house. We closed one day before we left town--with a few weeks to spare before hurricane season rolled around again.

We might have been exultant--money in our pockets, perfect timing, perfect buyer, perfect EVERYTHING; but we could only find the strength to be tremulously grateful. To this date we still have several good friends trying to sell houses in that market. Just as the saving grace of God is something that swoops down and picks us up from where we were--dangling above the chasm (thank Jonathan Edwards for that analogy), we realized that God's mercy in that dealing was completely unmerited. We were thrilled with what WAS but sobered by the thought of what might have been. And sobered yet again in the knowing that, for our friends who have not yet sold their homes, God's grace is manifested in those situations as well. Somehow, in a way that seems so impossible to us, He is working out our good and His glory in parallel lines.

When we finally rolled into Klamath Falls, we'd covered over 3000 miles and spent 27 days living out of our minivan, with some short jaunts to Acadiana, the Grand Canyon, Sedona, Hemet, and two hospitals. More on that in another post. We felt and looked and smelled like The Grapes of Wrath, I'm sure. I'd never been so glad to squeeze our six bodies into a 1300 square foot rental house as I was on May 23, 2006. Well, that's not exactly true, as I'd done a very similar thing several times before in Brian's military career. Still, you can never underestimate the thankfulness and joy that comes in trading the minivan for a genuine house!

As soon as our furniture was delivered and unpacked, Brian and I both hit the ground running on the home building project. We'd already been working with our architect for several weeks. We were reading home building books voraciously. We were talking to many friends who'd already done it. We were heeding the warnings, avoiding the pitfalls. In our minds, we had our ducks lined up in a neat row. Until the initial cost estimates came in. The Lord took all our ducks out in one shot! We acknowledged this setback as being from His hand, still spent two nights reeling under the shock, and then started looking prayerfully at houses in town. Overpriced houses in town. Houses in town that required another $100K just to fix the giant crack in the foundation, repair the drywall, and put a laundry room somewhere besides the sagging basement...

We set the bedraggled ducks back up again and started collecting bids from subcontractors. If you're not a Christian, you'd probably call us a pair of idiots at this particular impasse. But, as Christians, we believed we were doing what the Bible calls "walking by faith and not by sight." We didn't have any ideas about what God was meaning by His actions but we took the words of a great saint (still living) to heart. Henry Krabbendam says "If God opens the door, run through it as fast and hard as you can until He slams it in your face." Ouch! More on Henry at a later date.

Remember the initial cost estimates that killed all our ducks in one shot? Well, those initial estimates that had taken our breath away were in some cases HALF of the actual bids! All the ducks went down (again) in the slamming door. We extended what I began to think of as our "used housing search" to farmland on the outskirts of town. We began to consider those major remodeling projects and tried to talk ourselves into a place where we could agree with the Lord that HE knew what was best for the Bergerons.

And then our parents came to visit. They both took one look at our land and a few drives with us to see properties we'd considered in town. They both said the same thing: "Do what you have to do but you should build on this land." We weren't sure what they meant. Were we really supposed to go out and rob a bank in order to build this house? We literally gave up. There wasn't anything for us in town. But neither was there a way to bridge the financial gap between the cost of the house and the reality of our bank account. We knew that God had plans to "give us a hope and a future." I think that we really really believed that but there was no picture forming on the horizon as to what that future might be. You know that place in your heart where you finally surrender and admit that God is very VERY big and that you are very VERY little and know just about that same amount despite all your books and so-called education? We were there.

And then it happened. Brian went to Medford with his dad to try one last-ditch effort with a steel truss design and there he "happened" to meet Travis Hoppes. Brian and Rod went with Travis to his two most recent houses. They were very nice. Brian talked with the owner of one of the houses: "Travis is the best builder I've ever seen. He's honest as the day is long. He is as up front as a builder gets. He didn't come near to charging me what he should have for this house." Brian was sold. When I hear "that sound" in his voice, I know, after 12 years of marriage, to just hop on board because he's going to run through "that door" like a freight train.

A few weeks later we had worked up a budget with Travis. Travis had added BACK the in-floor radiant heat that we'd taken out of the old plans. He wanted to build with Insulated Concrete Forms to get a house that is so energy-efficient it can supposedly be heated by a good argument (it gets Alaska-style COLD here)! I was getting the finishes that I'd not even thought possible on our budget. All for a price far less than what we could build ourselves! When God gives you an amazing gift, well, you just want to talk about it...

Excavation began two weeks ago. The initial estimate to move all of those shocking (but beautiful) boulders was over $20,000. As it stands, to date, the excavator found far fewer rocks than he'd counted on and so our bill has not yet accrued to the point we'd feared. We subsist on small mercies right now. The Lord put those boulders down at the foundation of the world, with a few upheavals, of course, and He knew that we couldn't afford to have too many on our property. I guess. Substance/Evidence surfaces when God gives us eyes to see it and so we continue to hope and walk forward. It's called faith and I'm ashamed to say that I'm just now learning to walk in it.

I look at the excavated footprint of this house and it is by far the biggest house I've ever lived in and probably the biggest house I'll ever live in. I wonder every time I see it. Faith tells me that there is a reason for this house, though I still fail to see the big boulders of evidence that I'm looking for. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. This whole project has been your timing, your people, your plan. If I'd had things my way, the schedule, people, and plans--even the size--would have been totally different; but I'd have had no peace. But now that it's YOUR timing, people, and plans, I feel so safe--despite the myriad decisions and financial responsibilities."

This week the footers are being formed and are scheduled to be poured on Friday. We believe that God will do mighty things on our land and in our hearts as He builds our house. We want you to see them too. Check back and we'll continue to keep you posted.