Losing My Cool
This is a poem that I've loved from the moment I saw it. Thanks again Cathy Thompson for knowing decades ago that I'd need this someday. I thought I'd include it here lest you think, by virtue of my last few blogs, that I'm some sort of spiritual powerhouse. I'm not. When I'm good, I'm very very good. And then it's really not me anyway. It's just the working of the Holy Spirit through me. And when I'm bad, I'm horrid. Or so goes a different poem than the one I'm including below. And oh yeah, that's a picture of Evangeline in March 2006.
Losing My Cool
by Debbie Darling
Lord, I'm so tired of the same confession,
"I lost my cool"--
tired of staring Temper
in its ugly fanged face.
I'm tired of being bossed around
by an irrational two-year-old.
Can't someone ever take my part
and say "I know how you feel?"
All I ever hear is--
"These years go so quickly,"
and I feel guilty for my silent
"Not quickly enough for me!"
The years must graciously
retain only sweet memories
or all grandmothers have amnesia.
If I think clearly
I know this is only
a tiny portion of my life
but my heart cries out to ask...
"Will I ever read a whole book again
and not find scribbles on the crucial page?
Will I ever scrub the kitchen floor
and have it stay clean long
enough for anyone to believe I scrubbed it?
Will I ever do the wash,
hang it out,
fold it up,
iron it,
and put it away
in less than five days?
Will we ever have a conversation at the table
or wake up in our bed alone,
without little obstacles between us?"
I know that we will be alone all too soon--
and hate the quiet
(or so they tell me, although
I can't imagine it.)
But all I can feel is the now.
I know that this is the road
of the crucified Self-- but Lord,
I was hoping to be perfected
by something more dramatic,
not piddled
and spilled
and whined to death.
...
But I will not give up
because I know that you see
into this home
and into my heart
and into the future,
and not a hair is pulled out of my head
without Your notice, Your love,
Your comfort.
posted by sixbergerons @ 4:12 PM
6 Comments:
Hi Cara,
Kelly Trimble forwarded us your blog. Welcome to Oregon!! We'd love to get together sometime if you ever head north or we're out camping that way. We're in Eugene 541-345-2285.
Heidi Truitt
What a great poem! I really needed to hear it this week.
i am loving your blog already.... thanks for all you've shared thus far. i'm so glad that i'll be able to still learn from you even across the country! and i'm gonna have to try those potatoes soon!
Hi Cara,
Kelly gave me your blog address. It is so good to hear how you are doing. Congratilations on building a house. I can't wait to see what else God does for you through the building process.
Jennifer Wimberley
Cara,
Welcome to the world of blogging! I'm SO GLAD you're here! Reading your entries is like hearing your voice all over again and it is a sweet, sweet sound. Thanks for sharing your journey -- it's a privilege to follow it, and an encouragment to see God's hand on your family. Who knew back in those fabulous 80s that one day we'd be praising God in a blog on the Internet? "In a What on the Who?" Love it.
Amy Burgess
I started to leave you a comment a few hours ago when Lydia and Steven came running in with some thing of urgency!!! Ah, the irony of your post :)
I'm so glad you're blogging!!! Now I have another way to keep in touch with you from afar. Thanks for sharing your heart; you know I always appreciate it!
For everyone over near the Bergerons in OR, I am jealous! Consider yourselves treated by God to a wonderful blessing by knowing them and seeing them because I wish I could again - we miss you and love you! Talk to you soon!
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